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Now
that I'm a pseudo-senior at the
University of Louisiana at Lafayette, I'm
starting to get to that point
in my life where I have to prepare for the future;
sometimes
considering points in time as far away as Thursday.
Ever since I was a child of 20, I've had the same
dream for my future. First, let
me explain that I truly believe in the
ideal of "one never works a day in his life if
he is doing something he
truly loves." In my case, I'd be doing something I truly
love if I
never work a day in my life.
To ensure this happens, I have an entire series of
goals I can easily accomplish
in succession of each other. Each goal
only slightly builds upon the previous, thus ensureing an easy,
non-smelly stairway to happiness.
My only problem right now is getting past the first
goal. Because to do that, I'd
have to kinda invent the time machine.
Hear me out for the next 443 words and imagine how
FAT it would be to have a
time machine. Everywhere Marty failed with
Gray's Sports Almanac, I would
succeed because I have meticulous plans.
Many of which revolve around UL
Lafayette. So administration, SGA
members and aspiring bums, pay attention.
Before I got down to business, naturally I'd have
some fun. If ever I was feeling
down, I'd head to the '50s. Imagine how
much I'd rule in that decade. I wouldn't
even have to wear the
Fonz-style leather jacket to look cool because, let's face
it, that's
SO '50s. I'd probably wear something like a cool Spider-Man shirt,
jeans
and my sweet Nikes. Everyone would be all "where'd you get those
futuristic
shoes?" I'd answer with something like "2004," and they'd
probably think it was
a street address for a store. People in the '50s
are so lame.
I wouldn't ever have to worry about bullies because
to defeat a bully in the '50s,
all you have to do is stand up to them.
Bullies in the '50s were not as violent as
the bullies of today. They
were often large and called you things like "weenie"
and "doof" if you
didn't do their homework. That's it. Bullies in the '50s had little
more than a comb in their back pockets. Bullies in the '50s are so lame.
Ironically, the '50s is around where my plan would
start to go into motion. After swooning women by taking them to get
malts or whatever it is they like, I'd wax
real estate mogul and buy
TONS of houses near the UL Lafayette campus at
low-cost, pre-inflated
1950s prices (1950s prices are so lame).
Oh noes! Guess what? Students in 2004 need places to
live that are close to
campus. They're willing to pay almost ANYTHING
for rent. Riiigghhhtt? I think
you're seeing where I'm going with this.
I'd fix up these houses and keep them
up to code until 2004.
Then I'd clear them out and make parking lots!
Parking blows on campus, and this way there'd be
TONS more parking. And I'd
charge like $2.99 instead of UL's $3 a day
to park near campus. There is no better alternative to this plan.
So anyway, that's pretty much it. Parking and
exploitation of '50s bullies. I think
I'd be financially set if I used
my time machine to accomplish these goals, plus additional goals
revolving around me getting rare first edition comic books and
vintage
clothes to sell on eBay. That's pretty much the only way I could
benefit monetarily from this plan.
Oh yeah, plus the fact that I INVENTED THE TIME
MACHINE.
©2004 Tim Landry
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