The reason I know I have a bizarro counterpart is I'm always one step behind
him. I usually find traces of him in conversations with strangers.

For example, one day about a semester ago, I was walking along Rex Street.
I was in a good mood, so I knew something was wrong. After checking/securing
my fly, I resumed walking toward Chik-Fil-A. Some girl was walking toward me
and we made that awkward eye contact. She kept looking at me then tripped
over a root or sleeping hobo or something. She fell and I, of course, laughed
then said "I didn't see it!"

She got up, laughing, and stopped in front of me. Because I can't walk through
people, I also stopped. "Haha, so what's up?" she asked me.

"Uhhhhh...you just tripped?" I answered.

"No, I mean what's up?" she continued before saying "What, you don't
remember me?"

"Uhhhhh...wait. You're that girl who just tripped, right?"

"We danced for like two hours last night," she said. "You did go to (insert bar
name here) last night, didn't you?"

"Uhhhhh...No, I didn't," I replied while trying not to laugh/cry.

You can predict where the conversation went from here. She proceeded to tell
me how I looked exactly like a guy she met the night before, had a great time
with and how funny and charming he was, unlike me.

"Noooo! Curse you, bizarro me," I shouted as I raised my fists to the sky and
she backed away awkwardly. But then in reality I think I apologized and went
to a bathroom to eat alone.

But that's small potatoes compared to days later. I was walking out of the
political science building (the one with the bricks and windows) and some
dude called out to me "Hey! Hey wait!"

Naturally I assumed my fly was down again, so I checked.

He said "Hey dude, I just want to say what you did last night was awesome!"

I assumed he wasn't complimenting me for watching a Full House marathon
before falling asleep while eating Pizza Rolls, so I told him he was probably
mistaking me for someone cooler.

"Aw dude! Some guy who looks just like you ran into Ruth's Chris and started
throwing bread at people. He started going 'wooo wooo!' and freaking out rich
people and stuff. I'm a waiter there. It was the best night ever."

So naturally I said "Oh, LAST night?"

And that's my story. Not a week passes that I don't hear of bizarro Tim-related
incident. So I leave you with this lesson: If ever you're in a bar or other public
place and you see a little guy with an abridged white man's afro running around
doing something hilarious, odds are it's me. If he's doing something that kind of
annoys you, it's definitely me.

©2004 Tim Landry