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Crushing
the childhood dream
Hardly
anyone ever goes to class but when
one does it's a bitch to get there.
The advent
of the "new" crosswalk near the
library is really starting to piss
me off. And at such a short way into
the semester, too. St. Mary feels
like the border between North and
South Korea, except with fewer nuclear
weapons. The only reason I
dislike this crosswalk, other than its
resemblance to a Beatles Cover,
is because it really really screws with
my "how late I can start
walking to class from my break" schedule. You
know what I'm talking
about, so I won't go into it.
Parallel
this situation with a discussion I had the
other night among friends.
I posed the question: "If you could have any
two superhero powers, which
would you take?" To my surprise and
delight, no one said "the ability to fly."
Now I must admit, when I was
8, I would have probably said "I want to fly,
Shaquille O'Neal" (circa
his roll in Kazaam, the rapping genie). Now that I've
matured, I
naturally went with super strength (which includes super-high
jumping)
and the ability to throw hadoukens.
What
if
you somehow made this wish to fly and wanted
to continue living a
normal life. Outside of an NBA career, think about
how absurd it would be to
be able to fly around after the age of 18.
Right
now
on campus I see a few major forms of
transportation. There's the
deadly art of the bicycle (Which we all
appreciate, guys. Especially when we
pedestrians have to share a
quarter-inch of sidewalk with you), walking and
"other."
I
truly
respect the "others." I've seen this one guy
tool around campus on an
"IT." Not ringing a bell? How about "the
invention that will change the world."
No, not the thermos; the Segway
Scooter. I've also seen a guy drive to class
in a GOLF CART. This is my
favorite person in the world. I can't even begin to
explain how excited
I got the first time I saw him dart past me in all his electric
retirement-sport-aiding glory before chaining his ride to a bicycle
rack outside
of Griffin Hall.
Now
put
all this aside. All those forms of
transportation are obsolete. Imagine
you somehow made the wish to be
able to fly back when you were 8. You have
to ask yourself, "Would I
fly around campus?" Quite frankly I wouldn't.
Now
I'm a
reasonably hip guy. I wear all the latest
fashions (Girbaud, etc.) and
consider myself self confident. NO amount
of self confidence, however, would
make me feel secure enough to fly
around campus. I do NOT want to be THAT
guy. I have enough trouble
being the guy who can't keep his jeans out from
behind the tongue in
his shoes.
You
also
have to ask yourself if you would use this
ability on a daily basis. Say
you somehow decided you'd stop flying
after 18, but were REALLY late for a
class one day. Would you fly to
class that day? Would you be willing to suddenly
lift off, with your
side bag hanging down, hitting those sucker pedestrians in the
head?
And
it
doesn't stop there. Would you really take the
time to park at Cajun Field
and wait for the bus to drive you to
campus? Would you fly all around the entire
city? I stand by my
decision not to fly. It's so absurd, but not in a "good absurd"
way.
Like a dog surfing.
Now
I'll
tell you what I WOULD do. I WOULD take the
hoverboard. You know,
the device that saved Marty on more than one
occasion in 2/3 of the Back to the
Future trilogy? And I wouldn't care
that it would be the pink Matel hoverboard. I'd GLADLY take that one
over the Pitt-Bull (which the little girl took anyway).
©2004 Tim Landry
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